Where do I go?

I don't know what prompted me to write this fictional note. Just Divine Intervention maybe... that I decided to write about existentialism.

An Ad in the Papers: 

Afterlife Luxuries cannot get any better!!**

Are you Dead? Don't know whether to go to Heaven, Jannat, Swarga? We' come to your aid! 

Heaven*: A magical place above the clouds, where heavenlings(Might not be the right name. Sounds Gay!) roam about in white robes with divine enlightenment(so to speak), is one of the most popular afterlife destinations. Equipped with Divine Figures, it offers you unmatched comfort and Angels who will serve your every need. Also, a trend setting HALO offered to you to proudly showcase that you are officially a heaven resident. Additional benefits include:

  • Worship offered by most countries in the world.
  • Holy Graces to provide for family members in times of emergency.
  • Standard permission into the dreams of priests and catholic loyalists!


Jannat*: A sought after abode on which several earthlings are destined to go. Most suited for adult males with an overpowering sex drive as one soul gets the company of 7 attractive virgins who would do you as if you were their master. a beautiful place where semen is ineffective and no children are born. Brilliant locales with places as good as Kashmir(Heaven on Earth). Since that place is fucked up, we have created an identical place so as to give you the same magnificent experience of the valley. Additional Benefits include:

  • Worshipped offered in most of the middle eastern countries.
  • Mention in any terrorist activities to lure other jihadis.(can't be seen as a benefit i suppose!)
  • Pleasant weather unlike the Middle east.

  

Swarga*: Lost the race to Heaven and Jannat. A place with utmost comfort and rest before being born again in earth. They make sure that your transit period is luxurious and you enjoy the benefits of your punya(good deeds) and pay up for your paap(sins). Accountability is a must so people are often seen paying up to Swarga(somewhat similar to Indian Tax Systems). Relatively Modern but has a serene village feel to it. Additional Benefits include:

  • Yearly Pooja offering to you by your children.
  • Chillum is free and offered as a Prasaad.
  • Get to alter destinies of your children as your karma affects them.

 

* Subject to Terms and Conditions. These Places are assumed to exist and are not in any way a confirmation of your journey. Please read the offer document carefully before travelling. Additional Karma charges may apply depending on the place of travel. God reserves the right to change any of the places or offers at his own discretion.

** Afterlife is a debated concept. Does not hold true if you die and find out otherwise. Existentialism is the only known reality. It is always safer to die with a happy and clean conscience then expect anything from our promises. Follow these procedures AT YOUR OWN RISK!

 

---------------------------------------XX THANK YOU FOR READING XX------------------------------------------

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